Sometimes I Think Of You
by ItchingForChange
Summary: When new experiences confuse you, you work it out, explore it. But when its taken away from you forever, you wonder what could've been. SummerMarissa


Sometimes I Think of You

This one time at this huge party at Mercedes' house when everyone was totally off their faces, Holly and Bec had this thing. This totally gross thing involving kissing and drooling all over each other while the guys drooled all over them. It was so sickening to watch and was the reason Summer ended up puking up all over the beach at the nights close because it definitely wasn't the tequila's fault.

But other than that incident the night had been fantastically drunken in the way that teenage parties are and lots of humiliating photos were taken.

Normally Holly was against such things, but the next day as they talked to each other through their hangovers Holly seemed not to be as disgusted as usual and even giggled a bit at the mention of it. Well, giggled as much as was possible when hungover. Which meant she liked it, which practically makes her a lesbian, right? No, Holly insisted that it was fun but she'd never have a relationship with a chick because she needed something more 'fulfilling' in a relationship. Looking back, Summer got the innuendo. Skank, she thought.

This other time Marissa, Holly and Summer had been at Marissa's house whilst Julie and Jimmy were on a weekend vacation and Caitlin was _somewhere_ and they'd nicked a bottle or two of vodka and were happily doing shots in between dancing under a makeshift disco light. The rule of the night was the 'first to pass out was a loser' (by the time this rule had been made up none of them were particularly comprehensive).

At some point, after the neighbours had complained about the music, the girls had gone to the local oval. The sprinklers were on and the light of the large pavilion was still on. They stripped off and ran around naked, falling in the mud in drunken stupors until they couldn't run anymore and then they sat in the light of the pavilion, commenting on each others bodies in a strangely natural way that can only comes with being completely trashed. Later, through the haze of alcohol, one of them decided it would be a good time to go home, so they strutted home stark naked, still having the sense to duck behind BMWs when a car came along.

Showering together to get the mud off wasn't the strangest thing that happened to Summer that night. Needing Holly to dress her wasn't the strangest thing that happened to Summer that night. Then something happened that neither Summer, Marissa or Holly could remember the next day or ever again but somehow Marissa and Summer had ended up on the floor together, dry humping, kissing and hickeying each other. At some point, when Summer had been near climax, they looked over at Holly and saw her shaking. Marissa laughed and said loudly over the music and into Summer's ear "She's masturbating!" They both giggled and untangled them selves from each other, forgetting their previous activity to crawl over to Holly and laugh at her. But Holly hadn't been masturbating, she was seizing. They panicked and yelled at Holly to wake up.

Summer doesn't remember what happened after that. That was where the night ended in her memory. Apparently Holly just stopped seizing and got up and walked to bed. Summer had woken up on the couch and Marissa on the floor.

"You moan a lot." Marissa had stated blandly the next day as she nursed a glass of water. Summer looked up quickly at the comment but immediately regretted it as her head started to swim.

They went to Holly's for breakfast. In Holly's room there was group photo of all their friends at Mercedes' party. Summer vaguely remembers the photo being taken. Luke was wearing women's clothes, Shannon had peed himself it seemed and Holly had her hand down the front of Bec's pants as she smiled innocently at the camera. Suddenly the night before had rushed back at Summer and she'd remembered her hand up Marissa's skirt, rubbing through her panties and Marissa's hand doing the same to her. She had blushed when Marissa commented on it and Summer tried to sound flippant in her reply but couldn't stop staring at the large hickey that marred Marissa's otherwise perfect skin.

Perhaps it had been the "40 Year Old Virgin" movie they'd decided to see that day that had Summer holding back her vomit, perhaps it was the full-cream milk that'd been in her breakfast that made her stomach lurch, or its combination with the vodka which curdled in her belly, threatening to revisit her, or it may have been the thought of risking the solidarity of her friendship with Marissa just to pursue what had been a passing thought but _something _made Summer vomit on her way home. _Something_ made her slouch over and puke all over the sidewalk five times whilst cars drove past.

Her thoughts at that point were, I bet I look like a total bogan. But she'd been too sick to really care and regain her dignity but instead just dragged herself home to bed.

They'd never really spoken about the incident again, they'd all agreed to never mention it, or tell anyone ever. She often thinks of the torturous ways they could've teased Cohen and Atwood with the information of that night. Of course doing that now would just be cruel.

Summer wonders if Marissa ever remembered what had lead up to that moment. How Summer had managed to get Marissa writhing beneath her.

She thinks to herself that if Marissa was up for it, if she felt the same way, if she wasn't dead, she'd have told Marissa how she felt about her. How that night had changed her view of Marissa into something that definitely didn't go along with the friendship rules.

But she'd fallen asleep first and she was the loser. That's the way it stayed.

_Apart from my friend not being dead, this really happened to me, I hope you enjoyed. _


End file.
